that being my destination.

20070530

6:11 PM

i think that staying at home with nothing to do makes me sick.

argh. i was feeling so pukish just now during dance. :( sorry hannah i was complaining so much. but thai pan made us happy and well again! yay.

and i met timothy on the way back. hahaha yay he recognises me. wow looking back, primary school really was so long ago. but it was fun. hopefully i'll get to see them all soon. :)

need need need to start studying.

&the joy.

5:33 PM

watch. and be awed. :)

<3 vj dance :)

&the joy.

11:36 PM

heeheee i havent blogged since my ultra emo week.

now i'm back to being happy audrey again! :) but i realised that a lot of things in this world are not as ideal as i'd like them to be, but argh. i guess i've always known that the world's a screwed up place anyways.

yay i hope the cell group thing goes through.

&the joy.

6:22 PM

growing deeper with God means contending with tougher battles.

&the joy.

10:53 PM

wow. God does have his ways.

this has definitely been the most turbulent week this year. till today, i was wondering where my life goes from here, cos it seems to have reached a dead end. but i've come to discover, it's not all about me. feeling the spirit today at the match, and after the match. my life's not about me, it's about God, about everyone around me. just this morning i was thinking about how hard it is to trust God with my future. but at the match he led me to see, that things dont turn out the way you plan them to, they turn out the way he plans them to.

it was a moment i'd never forget. but they fought hard, with spirit and fire. and though they lost they can still hold their heads high. because they have earned the respect of victoria. i wont think of quitting now. i'll peservere on, pick myself up and move on now. thank you Lord for showing me your way.

to my dear classmate kenneth, and godbrother, please hold your heads up high, because you fought with such honour. i'm so so proud to know you. :) and God always has his plan, that's greater than anything we can think of. thankyou so much for helping me see that, for helping me to look ahead. love you guys. :)

thankyou thankyou.

&the joy.

9:35 PM

i think if my life didnt have God, i'd have committed suicide by now. :)

i'm so sorry to all the ppl who like had to contend with me crying all over them, and those who wanted to hug me and comfort me but i shunned. cos seeing that so many ppl cared was just too overwhelming. but i love you guys. house commers and dancers. i guess i pinned to many expectations on this one thing. though yeah, i wanted it so badly, i wanted so much to be a part of it, i guess i'll just have to live my jc life as a normal boring student.

and about how i'm going to be able to go to uni without a scholarship cos i doubt i'll get one, i leave in God's hands. jehovah jireh. He provides. just like how he provided me with a dsa offer despite all the odds being against me. when i thought that i wouldnt be able to make it into vj because i didnt make syf, he opened doors i never knew existed. :)

i'm just moody cos of pent up feelings i guess. but i'm so glad that i have wonderful friends to go through this with. thanks for all the hugs, the love. i shall try to be supportive, to trust that God knows best, that my life will be fruitful in his hands. i just have to keep my eyes focused on my end goal.

God does everything for the good of those who love him. :)

&the joy.

6:29 PM

i was bored.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

&the joy.

4:36 PM

see linwei's artwork! hahah yay it's so nice and it brings back memories of the hours of practice. :) hahah i really enjoyed playing highest this week with shannon's ultra cool drumming skills and debbie's instruction.

i'm home so early today. without anything to do. i hope i dont get too affected tmr morning. :(

need need need to do pw. :( see our first junior meet senior session. :)

&the joy.

4:35 PM

i was going to post yesterday but the internet died. yesterday's post:

i'm so sorry xianyong i forgot to bring you a flower today. :( hahah.

what cheryl told me yesterday was so much like what auntie thelma told me about getting in touch with my feelings. and yeah i know that i have that problem. i hope i dont burst one day from all the feelings muddled up in me. thankyou so much shannon for noticing, and for listening. i still dont know how you knew that i was emo-ing hahah. but God sends angels right. :)

yay okay.

&the joy.

4:25 PM

just random thoughts.

mrs ting has a really nice house.

chocolate fondue is very yummy.

dancers are funny people.

i'm a teenyweeny bit scarred. a teenyweeny bit, but scarred nonetheless. :(

i love to love.

esp my dear brothers and sisters. :)

dancers feel music using emotion.

i need to look foward.

i wonder what will happen if i dont study for physics lecture test.

scgs has changed so much. :( i miss it.

i've lost all motivation to go to school.

and i used to enjoy it. i think it's cos i suddenly am very free.

ballet lessons clash with every single thing possible.

so i need to borrow hc's dance concert dvd to watch it instead of watching it live.

i'm not looking forward to tmr.

even if it's full day? maybe.

music and dance are my only escapes.

and i'm not suicidal. :)

&the joy.

10:45 PM

i didnt get it.

well i didnt expect myself not to cry at all, and not even to feel terribly sad. yeah, i'm kinda disappointed, i'd be a bit mad if i'm not, but yet somehow, i'm still calm. i guess all that praying really helped. i know that God has handpicked the best, and they really are the best. this chapter in my life has come to an end, but that means that another one is just beginning. and i'm excited to start on this journey. i'm excited for myself, and for the new aquila comm as they too start a new chapter in their lives.

looking at my blogskin, hahah yeah. i'm just looking toward my final destination. cos there is a higher throne. :)

i've enjoyed my nom period so so so much. thankyou all. i love you guys so so much. and congrats to hannah, yirui, shannon and huiting. :) you guys really deserved it. go lead aquila to victory. i've full confidence that we can rise to the top. after all, we do have the best house comm. :)

i've come to realise how much i love dancing. and the end of this leads to the opening of another experience. on the bus ride home i was listening to complete. and it's really apt to express how i felt when praying for house. i need not fear anything that come my way. :)

cheryl, denise, elica, eunice, cynthia, yiwen, hannah, yirui, shannon, huiting, tristan, aaron, i love you all! <3

Here I am O God
I bring this sacrifice
my open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
restores me again
so I, I will be complete in,
I will be complete in
You

i'll not forget. love.

&the joy.

12:00 AM

i'm so glad i chose to go back to ballet. just hope that'll i'll be able to stay committed to it.

i've learnt to see beyond the steps, into the movement, the feeling. i felt my double turn just now. :) as soon as i know when dance in vj will be i want to take more classes. well i'll have to give up a lot of class dinners, and all the fun, but i've committed myself to this. and i'll go through it, come out stronger.

i want to learn more than just ballet. there are so many other classes there. but argh. money's always the issue. maybe i'll talk to mr ferrer about it. if i dare. see how first.

i'm so excited about manymany things. hahah i think my body's getting too much adrenaline nowadays.

&the joy.

11:02 PM

i have decided.

to stop worrying. am i not worth more than a sparrow?

to run for asst dance co-ord instead of vp.

to keep praying. for my friends, for closer walks with the Lord, for understanding. for the best aquila comm ever. for dance to continue in its glory, the flame and passion. for the youth.

to live my life for Him. and no other.

cos. i have decided to follow Jesus. No Turning Back. :)

life is worth living only because of Him.

i was just talking with ben abt all the stuff we've been learning about, and we both were hoping for it all to come sooner, so that we'll be with God sooner, and the world will all bow down to him. and yet. as much as i wish for it to come, i wish for my friends to be there with me too. it's so hard to imagine that we'll be so different then. no. i must tell them. they must know of his glory. of the one way.

i want to be a mirror, a beacon of light for Christ. really, my life doesnt matter anymore. not my grades, my looks or popularity, cos i have all that matters already. the security i have in him is greater than any boyfriend could ever give me. and i want to have this relationship with him forever. and i know i will. :) all i hope for now, is that when ppl look at my life, they'll see Christ, waiting there with open arms to receive them.

definitely, this IS the best life. HIS.

&the joy.