that being my destination.

20061231

11:40 PM

well, it's the end of the year in about 30 more minutes. 10 080 x 52 -30 minutes have passed since i started on my journey this 2006. it's about time to collect all my thoughts of the year, and look toward the new one.

i started the year expectant and ready for any challenges ahead. i'd just emerged out of a tough 2005 and was ready, or so i thought, to face the obstacles of 2006. well i never expected it to be such a life changing and fruitful year.

the first half.
school was okay, i was in the same class, hung out with the same people, life pretty much went on as it had the year before. i had my sucky dance days and all.
but then on of the most important and significant events during this period is the way God answered my prayers. sec 3 was a hard year for me, in terms of alot of things. i was sad, depressed even though i didnt show it to many people. so in 2006 i decided that things will change and started a prayer journal. in it i wrote what i was thankful for the beginning of each day, with simple trivial things like ice cream, and many other things like the love and care of friends. soon i realised that there was much to be thankful for and by God's grace i felt true joy.

well then one fine sunday when i was going out for lunch sitting in the bus with the youth, jimmy, who happened to be going in the same direction as us, asked me about what i felt about serving the youth, and helping them to grow. the conversation pretty much ended there where we boarded the bus and went our separate ways. later at lunch kat and i asked the youth about it. they didnt seem to understand. but from then on i felt compelled to serve them.

then came unify. the efcs youth prayer meet. it was such a wonderful time of baring our hearts before God. after that on the way home jimmy once again talked to me about youth ministry. i continued to pray hard, but we didnt take any action. and my prayers graduated from being general ones to being specific for each one of the youth.

june
chinese o's were over, and i was glad to get away and go to church camp. though it had an adverse impact on my dancing, it changed me alot. i spent alot of time with the bb boys and saw how much jimmy loved them. it was amazing. i was fired up, it was then. we prayed so earnestly, so hard for things to happen. but we left it to God. after the camp we continued to spend time with the boys and the youth, loving them with all our hearts, praying so hard. i was so reluctant to go back to school after that month. but i had to.

second half
things started happenening. slowly, but surely. we wanted to jump in and do many things, but each time we stopped ourselves and reminded ourselves on our total dependence on God. prayer worked wonders and we were able to do so much with the youth. they really changed and became unified and fired.
on my birthday, the youth put together a song for me. ben, janice, jan on keyboards, kat on drums, josh/nick on guit, mark and charis with vocals, and shan as music director. it was so beautiful. the significance of it all. and the puzzle the guys made for me. it really showed me how wonderful God is. he is faithful. on my birthday i told God that i wanted to dedicate my life from then on to him and his work, and especially if possible, to youth work.
there was for a while a time when i msged josh a verse every morning before school to encourage him on his walk with Christ because he said that he was finding it difficult to live as a Christian in school every day. it was a good reminder for myself to live for Christ. thanks josh. :)
there were so many other significant things that happened and now the youth is where they are. continue to pray that we'll grow, that we'll be filled with the spirit. i'm eagerly awaiting.

service this morning was an emotional one. the sharing, the super apt songs. i saw how God had led me through this year. quietly and steadily, but surely each step of the way. through the dsa to vj, through my o's, through concert, through the various events he uplifted me, helped me to grow. and i really have grown as a person. i've learnt how to love. how to care and forget myself. how to come in utter humility and brokenness before God.

it's been a wonderful year. there's been so much i'm sure i forgot to add in some things. but that's basically it. i'm looking forward to starting this year anew, with freshness and vitality, passion to continue serving Christ with my life.

please pray for me as i embark on a new chapter of my life. i'm not sure what God has in store for me, but i'm quite sure that there's alot. :) i'll be in a very different environment and school, mixing around with new people, and not seeing old friends around as often. i'm going to serve God with my life, and make it a fruitful year. fruit that will last throughout eternity.

thank you so much to all those who have played a part in transforming my life this past year. kat, jimmy, josh, shan, yuan, charis, jan, janice, mark, matt, nick, andy, steph, joel, jane, the missions team, the yfc ppl who are always so encouraging, and everyone else. i know a few of you will say that it's not you, it's God who changed me, and you're only his instruments. yes, i believe so, and i'm very grateful to God for allowing you guys into my life. you've really made so much of a difference to me. without you, i wouldnt be where i am now. i'd probably be lost somewhere worrying about what tomorrow holds for me. but i'm not. though i'm not sure of exactly where i'm going, i have complete and absolute trust in my guide, and i know that where i'm headed is the best for me. i'll be continuing to pray for you. :)

i'm truly amazed and the multitude of things that have happened this year. each week, my "bank account" was replenished with a 10 080min of time. though i think i could have spent some of it in better ways, i'm very glad that much of it went investing into meaningful and fruitful stuff, and came back with multiplied returns. so now, i'm dedicating the next chapter of my life to God, placing it in his hands, for him to guide me through my journey in life. i'm looking forward to what's to come!

and to you all who've managed to read thus far, happy new year and may you spend your new year meaningfully! :)

&the joy.

11:24 PM

oh wow. it's been quite a while. haha. my life has been quite packed. computer's too slow to post pictures. some other time then. i've really nice ones from the past few gatherings.

pri sch reunion, sunday school reunion, haha the new year really is the time to get together with old friends huh.

the retreat was on the whole, a good learning experience for me. not from the lessons per se, but from the circumstances we were put in, having to improvise and yet stick to our objectives, which i think, we failed miserably. well maybe i'm a bit too harsh on ourselves but. it turned out to be much of an orientation camp.

i'm hoping and praying that next year will be the beginning of the real change in the youth. this year was merely the spark that involved a few, next year will be the small fire that will burn in more.

&the joy.

11:48 PM

christmas is such a beautiful time, dont you think? all the lights and decorations. back in the states people would decorate their houses so nicely with lights and at night it's a beautiful sight. the snow covered rooftops with all the different scenes of christmas.

but ever wondered what the true beauty of christmas is?

&the joy.

2:06 AM

went shopping with jan, janice and janelle at vivo. haha we had a hard time choosing gifts. the guys are hard to shop for. ben scared us at candy empire. we thought he was a sales staff. then we visited him too. he's so skinny now. lost so much weight since last time. :)

then had a focus grp meeting at bh. i think it was a very challenging message that the speaker brought across. then we had yummy food and fondue, again, which is going to make me fat. anyways after that james and jinghui came with the stuff from viva la v, the team1+2 event. there was extra ice cream so michelle and i ate one with the extra chocolate from the fondue. it's so yummy. vanilla andersen's ice cream with melted chocolate. then we helped out abit with the things for those going to batam tmr. and played with dried ice. haha so fun. we poured water, and soap, and were so amused by the smoke. it's really like a waterfall overflowing out of the icebox. :)

yay it's 2 in the morning and i should be sleeping.

&the joy.

12:10 AM

i really hate to post and cover up my nice long post, but,

NOTE TO JIAYUN:
please please call me when you get back! i need to go dancing with you!

i've decided that i've put on too much weight, lost too much strength and stamina that vj might regret choosing me unless i buck up and start the serious dancing again. and just as i plan to go back for ballet, attitude has its term break till next year. so i'm lost.

anyways thanks to kat and shan who lovingly helped me analyze things and see things from different perspectives. love ya. :)

&the joy.

11:31 PM

i'm abit the bored with nothing to do now so i shall blog a nice proper longer post. and kathy's playing her casette tapes again. my room used to be nice and quiet. but nowadays she sleeps so late and is so noisy at night. :( oh well.

i'll tell you about what i saw and learnt in india! i think what left the greatest impression on me was love. love in its truest, rawest sense, not the mushy red roses and satin hearts thing. at different levels, but it really shows how much the concept of love is changed when God comes into the picture. we love, because God first loved us. if not for that, we would be unable to love in the way we can now.

let me illustrate this with a few examples. there's the brotherly (or sisterly) love between christians. the most stark example would be that btwn jan and charis, and linweiwei and jan. oh jan darling, you've really taught me what it means to love. your concern for charis when she was ill, sitting in her room accompanying her, covering her with the blanket, changing the wet towel, writing notes, it was really sweet, and beyond that, it was amazing to see how God's love can allow such deep care and concern for a sister-in- Christ. the love between charis and jan is so strong (dont get me wrong here) aahh it's true christian love.

then there's the love that we as Christians have for the lost. it seemed that every time i felt the burden to pray for the ppl there, joy would verbally echo my sentiments and ask us to pray together. though i wasnt able to join them every time, it was really amazing to pray together with ppl with such passion for the lost as i. one of the most touching moments to me is when we asked our translator, a young man of 20, who by the way is quite cute :) , to pray with us for the class. we did it in such a way that we didnt go round in a circle or anything, it was just spontaneous for about 20minutes. i didnt really expect him to say anything, just to join us there in silence. but he did pray, and he asked for joy to be able to teach the way God wanted, for him to be able to translate with the correct tone and for God to work through his speech to reach the kids. he prayed for their souls. it was then that i really came to see what being one in the bond of love truly meant.

as i shared at the end of camp, and i hope to share to anyone who asks me to share about my trip, love is more powerful than anything, and although we cannot communicate to the kids directly because of the language barrier, love transcends all barriers and can connect us directly with them. and it is this same love that we share with our india counterparts, the love of Christ, which we can feel from the warmth and cheeriness at Shalom, and the love that we hope to give to these kids as well.

i felt the same way when i shared as i did when i was feeling really sad for the world that time. jimmy describes it as crying and crying for the ppl until all the tears are gone.

of course there was also the love btwn joy and colin, and cass and paul. it was really cute, and touching to see how much they cared for each other. it's not something you can see from just meeting them a few hours a week, but seeing them everyday for more than a week has led me to discover their deep love and care for each other. it's wow, just amazing.

i cant remember experiencing such great love in a long time. it was really timely i think, i needed it to help me to think rationally about the whole concept of love again, and back to the basic we love because God first loved us. i want to carry God's love with me, to be able to share it with everyone around me, to love selflessly, not selfishly the way the world tells us to.

the trip has really given me much time to think about many things. i want to rededicate my life to serving God with my all. his love is greater than what anyone else can ever give me, and he is the only one worthy of praise and worship. whoohoo.

i'm so glad that i'm privelleged with the opportunity to use my life for God's work, and i'm so excited about starting next year on fire. just pray that it'll continue to burn brightly, and prayerfully brighter with each passing day. i'm gonna focus, cut out distractions. as if it's that easy. but with God on my side, anything can happen :) i'm a soldier of the cross!

of course there the greatest love of all. that i keep mentioning, but didnt elaborate on. well, for those of you who dont know, or have just a tiny inkling of what it is, let me show you a song.

love was when God became a man
locked in time and space
without rank or place;
love was God born of Jewish kin,
just a carpenter with some fishermen.
love was when Jesus walked in history,
lovingly He brought a new life that's free;
love was God nailed to bleed and die
to reach and love one such as i.

love was when God became a man
down where i could see
love that reached me;
love was God dying for my sin
and so trapped was i my whole world caved in.
love was when Jesus rose to walk with me
lovingly He brought a new life that's free;
love was God only He would try
to reach and love one such as i.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

isnt that all there is to christmas? ooh, i'm so glad to have experienced such love, and with this, i can truly say,

i love you. <3

&the joy.

9:54 PM

i'm sad. argh i miss dance. i miss scgs. i miss being disciplined in my dance schedule. i miss performing. i cant believe i missed out on performing cos i was in india. :( not that i regret going to india i really loved it but still. there's this tinge of sadness whenever i think that i missed the opportunity to perform for sc one last time.

but i guess God always knows best, he has his plans, and everything happens in his time. on the brighter side, my mummy bought me a box of cherrios today! yay i love cherrios. yummy.

i went to sentosa with jia, jaz, lez and sher 2 days ago. there was a cheekopek lifeguard. we ate at sakae. yay.

i have to make brownies and potato salad for tmr.

man this whole post is full of food i seriously need to get back to dancing to lose weight.

&the joy.

10:38 PM

just got back from india this morning. saw alot, did alot, ate alot :) and learnt alot. it's been an amazing journey with 21 other ppl from singapore, and many others from india, all aiming for the same goal, working together as one in Christ.

it was a wonderful experience i wouldnt trade anything for. i'll write all about it tmr or something. day by day what we did and saw.

for now, i owe prom photos. sorry jaz. :) i'll post the good ones.

us being completely bo liao before prom cos we had alot of extra time. we watched csi on axn! :)

and then the phototaking begins.

dancers! <3 href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/6710/575/1600/953945/prom051.jpg">

recess friends!

min2!

my partner of 2 years: cheryl cow!

the 5 of us who stay superbly close together + opy!

and now blogger doesnt want to let me post the other photos. :( lousy. i shall do it tmr then. there are really nice ones left.

&the joy.

9:30 PM

tmr it's off to india till the 12th. goodbye singapore.

pray for us. it'll be much of an adventure.

&the joy.