that being my destination.

20060828

9:41 PM

was reading through the archives. ack. i miss the times we just went out and had so much fun together. i shall write my love notes again. :) i wrote some after church camp too. :)

jan: :) so nice to see you around in sc! love your quirky-ness, and your ever-increasing enthusiasm for christ. press on yeah.
josh: hahahaha. i totally forgot about the man-go thing. :) yay. it's now week 3, and you're still going strong. jia you! love your funny gentlemanly-ness.
charis: really very encouraged by your life. continue to be a good testimony, we're all looking up to you. love your caring, others-first attitude. <3
janice: wow. it's been fast. i think by now you've inherited the craziness of pf. yay. i'm really encouraged by your ans yestd. :) love your open-ness. cant wait to go to india with ya.
matt: hey. you've really really grown so so much. hope that you'll be beside us as we walk down the road of life together. <3
jean: it's finally time for you to go. i still look up to your leadership, your gifted-ness in talking. :) counting the days till you return.
char: hope you'll be able to stay back with us more often, waiting to grow with you. :)
ben: ben! i'm so excited for you! hahahaah. so so glad that you're on board with us. love your new found enthusiasm, and willingness to serve. we'll succeed together yeah? together in christ! :)
mark: things change. for the better. :) thanks so much for finally letting all the stuff sink in.
nick: we're all praying for you, that your candle too, will be lit. :) love the happy-go-lucky you.
kat: i'd never have thought that in such a short period of time, we would have come so far. wow. God really has his ways. <3
ys: yay. use your life to spread the fire around k? you've come a long way from then.

wow. things have really changed since june. in just 2 months. thinking back, wow. though things have changed, i still love you guys. =)

&the joy.

9:27 PM

ss paper. 180 ppl did merger&sep. wow. that's like what? half the cohort? aaahhhh. and tmr is chinese paper 1. not sure how i'm going to go about writing essays.

honours' day rehearsal kept me back till 4 plus. how to study for physics prac? i think the prelims are just going to be so crap. yuck.

yay. cant wait for mission trip. to go with all you funny ppl. yay.

going to go shopping in kl. :)

&the joy.

10:50 PM

the thing on my mouth is really painful. and it's killing me. and i'm now cramping as well. argh. just when i'm trying to read the ss essays. i think i'm going to fail my paper. i'm totally unprepared. and i need to start on geog.

why now of all times? so now i cant concentrate. too many other things whizzing around in my head. and i want so much to care about those other things more than my studies.

&the joy.

11:27 PM

i remembered all the sad and bad things and forgot about the good things. during eng today, though it was really hard and all, a song popped up in my head. and it's not the usual i cast all my cares, or i can do all things ones. it was 'i've got peace like a river' and 'i've got the peace surpassing understanding down in my heart'. yay. God really makes his presence felt in my life. thank you Lord.

&the joy.

7:38 PM

argh. i dont know why. maybe it's the o's. is it the pressure? it's just so irritating. one moment my mum says i'm not studying enough, then the next moment she says i'm just too stressed and i need a break. which i know is so not true. cos i haven't been studying at all. AT ALL.

it's just that everything seems to be turning upside down. you. what happened to you. i just feel sudden pangs of sadness. and it's not cos of studies. it's so weird. like sadness for the world. that i only have 3 months left here in sc. that in these 3 months not everyone would have heard. it's a pain, a sadness, just a burden for the world. but i cant just feel for them. i need to do something.

dinner is now not necessary. but no one seems to get it. if you spend the whole day doing nothing but sitting around, i think lunch is more than necessary to fufill your daily energy and nutritional requirements. if not. you'll just get fat.

&the joy.

1:27 PM

the english paper sucked. i dont know what joy the teachers get out of killing us during prelims. argh.

see lah. i couldnt post the past few days cos blogger didnt allow me to. and now. i forgot what i was going to write.

yay. i'm going to india. so exciting. except i hope the team isnt too big. from the youth side there's me, jan, charis, janice, matt, mark, wayne. 7 of us. hopefully it'll be a good learning experience for all of us. :)

jean had to leave. she's starting school today. wow. time does fly.

i think i'll just do really badly for prelims cos i can no longer force myself to study.

&the joy.

8:20 PM

looong and tiring day.

chem prac then el oral.

prac was okay. just that the thing exploded in my face. luckily it wasnt too hot. so i didnt get too burnt. and we didnt do titration... :( we had physical chem instead. which i dislike. it's the dangerous one. which causes my uniform to be all stained.

el oral was bad. really bad. so hard! the question was more of a essay title than a conversation topic. argh.

i think i eat so much nowadays. i going to be fat.

&the joy.

4:36 PM

jimmy and jean with the mudpie.

the mudpie.

us eating the mudpie.

all gone.

kat, charmaine, jean and i

&the joy.

7:47 PM

as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. and it's so true.

firstly, yestd in the bus down to cdans, i was thinking of the hsienfa class i was missing whilst going to meet the guys. :( then i was all confused and sad. i used to wonder why i was so eager to go for dance, even though i knew i would always get scolded and all. was it just cos i wanted to prove myself, or was it something more? well, i'm really glad to say that it is truly because i love dance. i say it again. i love dance. sc dance in particular. :) but it's so sad that i cant go back. stupid o levels. :( argh.

jean's last sunday in church today. we got her an island creamery mudpie! :) and sang her the chorus of the friends forever song. it was so sad. i was going to cry too. anna and cheryl and jean were crying. joel, shan, harry folded their papers into airplanes, and wrote each one sentence. then they each wrote part of a verse, so that when you read it in order, it comes together as one. so sweet! why is parting so painful? and it has to be 3 of the very important ppl in my life. the ones who really influence us and guide us and lead us. well, God always has his sovereign plan, and we must trust in him to get the best for us.

then niki had to rush down to see our dysfunctional family. and they were late. by 2hrs and 15min. so we were late back to church too. the boys had reached by then. so jimmy talked to us, then we did the youth ministry presentation again. and gave out the booklets. whilst trying to do the alive thing for jimmy. haha. i think it's really sweet. trust weitat to come up with such a thing. we all stamped our handprints as a promise to keep that friendship alive.

i'm feeling all mixed up now. sad and everything else. not in a studying mood at all. which sucks, considering my pracs start on tues.

well, God has really been present in our eefc youth ministry and the 54th coy. all the experiences He put us through have changed our mindsets, and geared us up for his work. i've decided that i might not go for mission trip. even though my heart is already there, i think that having such a big group may end up being more disastrous than helpful. so if i dont go, that one week will be committed to ministry. with the youth, with the bb. and i'll get to go for bible trail.

ack. need God's guiding light now. utterly confudled.

&the joy.

9:30 PM

it's just like being stuck in a pressure cooker. like mashed potatoes. and there are potatoes pushing you. it's so near breaking point. you're so near going to crumble and become fluffy mashed potatoes.

i almost broke. so scary. but i'm still a whole potato. :) so i went to get food. $50 worth. haha. to sustain me till prelims. hopefully it'll last. all low-fat, less calories, more healthy ones. :)

&the joy.

3:47 PM

Rojak- my group. :D

yummy steamboat. :)

baos unite!

&the joy.

11:01 PM

got this off maria's blog. i'm dying from a study overdose. :) and i'm bored and miss dance and the dancers.

[ ] I'm afraid of the quiet.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I'm afraid of the dark
[x] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors atnight.
[ ] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad (well, sometimes)
[ ] I stayed out all night.
[x] I open up to others easily. (increasingly so.)
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for pretty eyes.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse once in a while. (haha. i betcha didnt know)
[ ] I curse too much
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped and fell in public (remb going back from bt hill? sooo embarrassing..)
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well. (from quick mix :) )
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[x] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have talked on a phone for 5hours
[ ] I love Dr. Phil
[x] I like someone (YOU! yay.)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh. (definitely hahahaha. see?)
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.(havent read it before.)

[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.(only the ones that taste like sweets)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a few scars. (oil scar, nail scar, falling-off-the-bike scar...)
[x] I've been out of this country. (obviously. s'pore is just too small)
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room
[ ] I love chocolate.
[x] I love spaghetti (without parmesan cheese. yuck.)
[ ] I bite my nails. (i stopped in p3)
[ ] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[x] I cry sometimes for no reason
[x] Gotten lost in the city.
[ ] Seen a shooting star.
[x] Had a serious injury.(i did something to my collar-bone. okay maybe it's not that major)
[x] Been so mad you've locked yourself in your room for the day
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[ ] Have kissed a stranger.
[ ] Hugged a stranger
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight

[ ] Been arrested.
[ ] Laughed and had some type of beverage comeout of your nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at your parents.
[ ] kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose. (HAHAHA no. but i'd like to see it happen in reality)
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. (yuck. milk.)
[ ] Bitten someone.
[x] Been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] Gotten the chicken pox twice.
[x] Crashed into a car.(while not looking where i was walking)
[x] Been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[x]Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. (eh. how would i know? but i guess so lah)
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] Been to Europe.(London. to visit niki. :) )
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone/something dying. (do ants count?)
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.( i sat in my daddy's car)
[x] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a Plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten sushi. (love it)
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing.
[x] Been ice skating.

[x] Cried in public
[x] Threw something at someone
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[ ] Walked on train tracks
[ ] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7
[x] Hated the world.(it is a horrid place.i'm glad i'm not of it)
[ ] Wished you had never met most of your friends
[x] Lost something (my pinky!! sob.)
[x] Thought about old memories (one of my favourite pastimes is reminicing the past)
[ ] Threw spitballs at a teacher
[x] Wished to stay in your bed and never come out

i had tuition. and i'm supposed to study now. but it's so late. and i missed the vj talk. that sucks. :(

&the joy.

4:15 PM

such a gloomy day. and within the first 10 min of contact time i get scolded. i just hope you're not the one who's going to write my testimonial.

and i had to have chinese lesson. but i guess that was my choice. i am so going to do well for chinese. :) yeah right.

i got another truckload of papers. they all think we're supergirls. i just dont get how some ppl can do it all finish in one day. yay. i finally photocopied the lit notes for joel. :D chem pracs are in exactly one week. QA, VA, redox, mole concept... :( i like chem but i hate the studying. hopefully i wont dirty my uniform during the prac or else i'll have to go in for el oral with a colourful uniform. :) i saw ivy! haha. she's one of the examiners in my school. so exciting. haha.

tmr's the day! oh dear. i wonder how we're going to do it. need to contact emily. somehow. though i'm not sure how. it's nerve-wrecking.

going for dinner at uncle thomas' tonight. yay. it's the good thing about niki coming back. we get good food! i hope we get to eat the fried mantou and crab bee hoon and all the nice yummy food. i'm so going to grow fat. everyday just sit down and study and do tys and papers. :( and not dancing. ack. i want to go for sat's class but there's parade. so should i go on friday? maybe. see first. i'm still super lagging. and i have yet to start on geog and chem.

how stupid it is that nowadays all i can think of is studying. oh well. after this i can go play. hopefully. the india mission trip is being promoted as if it were some holiday or something. if the team is really going to be so big, it'll be more like a tour group than a mission team. okay. i'll shut up about it. i'm not the organizer so it's not for me to say. i'll be guai and just listen. hmph.

&the joy.

1:47 PM

:( i wrote a nice long post, then somehow it disappears. AHHHhhhhh... pooh. i'll write again. yes.

100806

went out with niki. shopping. yay. i've been cooped up studying for so long, really needed that retail therapy. :) haha. we were our usual indecisive, lousy sense of direction selves, constantly getting lost and not being able to decide what to buy. and i got jane a birthday present! yay. jellybeans and pretzels and lifesavers. from candy empire. the store is soo tempting. candy candy yay.

sometime at about 1pm, kat called and asked if she could go to my house to do the church stuff instead of i go to her place. uh oh. i was like, "er... erm.... my house ar... it's er.. very messy!" haha. she didnt get it though. niki and i met her at orchard to get some supplies then we were off to her place. i almost let slip when i thought aloud, "is shannon coming.." niki quickly helped me and finished off with, "to the soccer game tmr?" haha. :) kat didnt get it again. she's really quite blur.

went to her place, managed to do quite a bit of work. aunty edna cooked a whole lot of food and kat just assumed that her mum was going to invite the neighbours. :) then aunty edna asked kat to go buy some baguettes and cake. but kat refused. oops. so nic and eugene went. suddenly:) , niki and i had a craving for ice cream, so we made kat bring us down to buy. :) haha. i called jimmy then.

hey. i know what homework we have already.
really? haha. are you out and away yet?
yep. we have physics also.
okay. we are hiding in nic's room.
yeah. mr tang says must pass up by monday.
monday ah. okay. :) we should be ready soon.
okay. see ya. bye. :)

niki asked who was it. kat said probably her classmate. i just smiled. :) after taking a super long time to decide on what ice cream to buy, because we spent a lot of time looking at the cheeses and mashed potato machine, we finally went back to her house.

nic's room door has this woodpecker knocker. it's really fun. :) i kept pulling it. "kat. can i see nic's room?" "yeah sure." but she didnt come out. so i waited. "eh? why is the room door closed?" kat pushes it open and i almost get a heart attack cos we are greeted by party noise makers, screams, and the happy birthday song. :) yay. mission accomplished. not bad eh.

hope you had a great birthday kat! love ya. :)

110806

o level cl results out. :( i'm so dissatisfied. pooh. i shall retake it. maybe it's the high doses of ecclesiasties we get each week that make me discontented. :(

went down to dunearn to watch the guys train for ephraim cup. kat and i manged to talk to uncle sammy about sending the boys to india so yay. it wasnt wasted time. although i really need to study since i had one whole week break and am super far behind the schedule cheryl and i did up. :) those photos and the ones from ephraim cup itself can be found here.

120806

ephraim cup. i think i was stoning the whole day through. so tired. :( haha. "joseph" and "clarence" were really funny. and apparently joey did this really cool kick from the corner directly into the goal. either i wasnt looking, or my brain wasnt working. cos i dont remember. kingston and hogan are really cute. :) yay. stef, dont worry, i wont steal yours. :)

130806

finally had the opportunity to talk to the church youth about the youth ministry thing. :) yay. we've come a long way. it's really encouraging to see ppl like josh and ben seriously thinking about these things. and we made our nice posters with the cool star chart. :) one more week till jimmy and jean leave. it's so fast. :(

I HAVENT DANCED IN AGES!!!! miss the aches, the pain, the tight hair, everything. i'm going back for dance. i must.

&the joy.

9:27 PM

i've been slacking. pooh.

went for camp afterglow of the may yfc camp this morning. really cool to meet all the people from the different areas all over again and share what we've done in the diff areas we serve in 2 months later. there was a band called carpenter's tools international, cti for short, performing for us. they are really good i tell you. and bev was telling me that they all didnt know each other before this. they just signed up for this as something meaningful to do during their summer hols, as they all enjoy music.

so hey. if you're free this friday, 6pm, or next sat the 19th, 4-6pm, tell me yeah. friday is garage, where there's be a live performance in a 'garage', carpark more of, with food and all. and sat is a live concert at dbs auditorium. it's really worth going. i think it's $8 for garage, $5 for the concert.

listening to so many others share about their ministries in the various schools, i kinda feel guilty about nelgecting sc so. it's just that there are so many already 'christians' here, that i dont feel the urgency of it all. but today i realised. i have one more month. one month left. then i wont be able to share anymore. i need a jie1 ban1 ren2. so jan, cheryl, janice, vicki, whoever, if you're interested tell me k. :) thanks. we shall really start the prayer meeting next week.

it's really encouraging to be sitting in a place filled with people you know God has moved to be a part of his kingdom, and all these other people, just like you, feel the need to reach out. i really enjoy moments like that. i know i'll never be alone in this.

sidetrack a little. somehow eating bird's nest makes me want to puke. :( yuck.

going to go out with niki tmr. yay.

&the joy.

3:14 PM

had national day celebrations today. went to eat with yy, biru, cheryl and jiayun after that. i cant bring myself to study. :( i wish there was dance today.

so so many things happening. it's confusing.

&the joy.

9:44 PM

studied so much bio today. yay. i managed to learn so much. i think next time i should just stay in the library. it has some magic air.

should i go for dance tmr? or should i study?

&the joy.

4:51 PM

i'm so sad i didnt go for dance today. but..

cheryl and i were planning our study plan during ss. there's just too much to study! ack. bio, geog, ss, chem, everything. and lit. i have to go read through all the notes. GRACE!! HELP!! i need tet help. :)

my room is now a total war zone. cannot sit on my chair, use my table, even get onto the bed cos everything is everywhere. notes and worksheets and books and more books. cant get myself to start. and i think i just failed the agriculture test we had. i think prelims are more scary than the o's itself cos it's so so much harder. even the e math paper is so hard. going to die already...

ok. according to our plan, this week is bio 20-22, geog pop and ss conflict and cooperation. must start NOW.

&the joy.