that being my destination.

20090402

10:55 PM

i wanna go take up a course at believer music. or all three if possible. :( im making such ineffective use of time. just reread the music min essay thing and i feel all sad again. we really need to do something to create change. :( just that no one's willing to accept it. sucks.

yay i got into singapore airline's first round. wait and see. we'll just wait and see where God leads. for now, i hope to be able to start teaching at attitude. and to do something in church. ahhh God please use me. i cant stand it. just sitting and watching. need to do something!

&the joy.

10:08 PM

if only we really embraced the idea of kingdom living. then these saturday things wont be such a chore to everyone. :(

argh i need to find a job to earn money so we can go holiday. and i wanted to go with niki to vietnam too. but seems like i probably wont be able to earn enough to pay for ballet, piano, driving lessons, transport, food, ... i miss dancing so often and feeling fit. i kinda feel like a slob now. haha. maybe i'll go back this wed. see how.

kapooey

&the joy.

3:36 PM

it's been a while since i've written. i dont know how often i will write anymore, but i do miss it much. life's suddenly be knocked out of it's usual routine. the mould is gone and each day is only how long i plan to do things in. this monotony is just so weird, so out of place that im not sure what i should be doing anyhows. im going to go look for a better skin.

i wish youth saturdays went better. but i guess only God can change things.

with valentines' day just passed i was reminded of this poem that stuck with me since we did it for lit in sec 2.

Valentine- Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

so fierce, so true.

&the joy.

10:55 PM

my favourite kunfu panda boys.

&the joy.

11:54 AM

lala. its college day today. wonder how many ppl will turn up.

as sad as it seems i have this feeling that it's going to be our last time on stage together. all the times we've shared the joy of performing on stage be it in school or outside, its all coming to an end now. even the alumni thingo probably wont include every single one of us.

oh well, at least i have the memories to cherish. they really were good times. and though we will probably mess up on stage today i hope we can give it our best shot. its like our swan song. argh. i'll miss vj dance.

tmr's youth sunday. i wonder how it'll turn out given the sudden change of circumstances. pray hard. :)

&the joy.

4:21 PM

cts start next monday. school reopens. it's probably been my first holiday without having to go back to school. i do miss cca though. i think i'm getting really unfit. i wish i had barce and concert photos.

go visit the class blog. it's alot more interesting. 07s44.blogspot.com

i'm just bored.

&the joy.

11:34 PM

it sucks when i try so hard only to have things spoiled by them. i knew it'd take alot to make today a good day. and i really wanted to give it my best shot. but twice alr it's been spoilt. and why am i given no choice. why cant i make my own choices. argh it just keeps hurting. i wonder when it'll ever stop. it just goes on and on. after one thing's over another one comes along. i dont know what to do.

&the joy.